Episode CV: Breaking Down Breaking Dawn
March 18, 2010
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Posted by Dr. Disaster
Surprise! This week I’m joined by Miss Chevious for an hour of horror beyond imagine. I’m course referring to the mind-bending terror named The Twilight “Saga.”
WARNING: THIS EPISODE WILL HAVE MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT THE SERIES! MOST SPOILERS CENTER AROUND THE FINAL BOOK BREAKING DAWN! IF YOU DON’T WANT THE BOOKS SPOILED DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE! I SHALL NOW TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK!
This episode is basically Miss Chevious giving a play by play of the final Twilight book and me interjecting with my views. Also since we’re talking about Twilight be prepared for A TON of Castlevania music in the background. It’s basically wall to wall Castlevania. Hope you all liked Symphony of the Night! Push play in the podcast player to give it a listen or refresh your iTunes or Zune feed.
I’ll also update later in the day with the poll for the punishments. Now I must sleep. Sleep……
UPDATE* Kay I’m awake. Here’s the poll.
What Should Dr. D have to do?
- Video Podcast Dancing the Haruhi Suzumiya Dance. (50%, 8 Votes)
- Write and Sing a Song. A Totally Serious Love Song. (31%, 5 Votes)
- Sing a Song From a Recent Sonic the Hedgehog Game. (13%, 2 Votes)
- Video Podcast Wearing Cat Ears. (6%, 1 Votes)
Total Voters: 16
Loading ...Tags: breaking dawn, castlevania, Podcast, twilight book
Categories: Podcast
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Tags: breaking dawn, castlevania, Podcast, twilight book
[gets on soabox]
Ok, so my one HUGE problem with the entire twilight series is the fact that the vampires have sex. I’m sorry, NO! Vampires don’t have sex, their biting is symbolic of sex, they don’t actually have it, and here’s the logic behind it:
A vampire is a re-animated corpse using the power of blood.
Dead people have dead organs, thus their heart doesnt beat, their stomach doesn’t digest, and their reproductive organs do not work.
Thus, if a vampire actually tried to have sex, they wouldn’t get any pleasure, and certainly wouldn’t get pregnant or impregnate someone.
I think too much about this, but that’s because that horrible book came out and ruined what vampires actually are, humans becoming slaves to their animalistic, dark, and sensual nature.
Oh, and the whole vampires make vampires through venom, bullshit. It’s the exchange of blood, they aren’t snakes.
[gets off soapbox]
I have many more problems with Twilight than the sex. But the internet is already saturated with pro- and anti- Twilighters, and I’d hate to become one of them.
@FT: yay! vampire science! I’d assume without a beating heart (and thus a lack of blood circulation) it might be rather hard to actually “do it” for men…
@Dr.D: Having bruises after sex does not automatically mean that was rape. rape is when you perform sexual acts with someone against their will. Bella, being a moron, actually wanted to have sex with shiny-guy as far as I know (all Twilight info i have is actually from VI, didn’t watch the movies (not even with riffs) and certainly didn’t read the books), thus all they had is very very weird sex (if you consider my point above, VERY VERY VERY weird sex).
Anyway: +w00t for Miss Chevious (is that how you write it?)! Still hoping for a 2 girls 1 podcast episode (maybe halloween?)….
Anyway for a podcast claiming to be anti-twilight you guys give it A LOT of airtime, maybe find other topics?
@FT: I agree that Stephenie Meyer absolutely butchered young teenage girls’ imagery of vampires, especially with the sparkly stuff, but vampires are actually a dynamic symbol among a population. It means different things to different, much as all symbolism does. I certainly have my viewpoints on certain symbols, but I’ve embraced that dynamic viewpoint. To a certain extent.
Also, Stephenie Meyer’s vampire is technically accurate, since their venom has at least the same functionality as blood is in humans.
@Dr. D: ojii’s right, having bruises after sex does not qualify as rape, especially if the person wo gave them bruises was not even beating them up. Here is an explanation. The sparkly guy is like Superman, and the emo kid is like that dead teenage girl.
Another punishment idea: making Dr. Disaster watch Precious, then make him watch it again immediately to record commentary.
Sorry but when violence enters into the relationship, romance goes out the window. Edward is a rapist. I’ll hear no opinions to the contrary.
Call me an old romantic but I don’t think you should beat the ones you love.
I just really hate romanticized vampires. They are monsters. END OF STORY. I really hate it when vampires are portrayed in any other way than the Bram Stoker style. I really hate Ann Rice’s books, and loathe Twilight. They all just seem like pretentious, elitist writing.
[soapbox shatters under immense weight
I demand that you sing Super Sonic Racing as punishment. All two minutes of it.
I have nothing to say about Twilight except that I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said “Ladies, we’re TRYING, okay?” It’s on my Facebook quotes section. And NOTHING gets on there. NOTHING.
@Pi: I Second that demand. I definitely second it.
As for the podcast, I absolutely HATE Twilight, and the whole “vampires having sex things” is incredibly stuipid. Ugh, Twilight hurts my brain.
Oh man I HATE that song. I don’t know what Sega was thinking when they made that the background tune for that terrible game.
Sorry Pi for not reading your email this episode. This one was pretty impromptu so we spaced on mail. We’ll read it next episode.
How many here have read Dracula?
because whenever you feel the need to establish canon you should always determine what works counts as canon.
Because if you follow the Bram Stoker canon vampires don’t actually take damage from sunlight. They just cant transform or command animals. They do however have superhuman strength in direct proportion to the amount of blood they have drunk. The classic retreat to a coffin only occurred during specific times of the day.
Drinking animal blood is also entirely plausible in Stocker canon. Pigs blood is however entirely impractical because they don’t eat meat and have low grade blood. You would need to eat something in the ways of 10 000 times the amount of pigs blood compared to a human.
They are not ageless either. Dracula is old in the beginning of the book due to the difficulties of obtaining fresh blood. when he moves to London he becomes young again by a overconsumption of blood.
By this logic a vampire can grow old or young depending on his drinking habits.
My point is that if your only point of reference is Dracula you can never read another vampire book because they will all be wrong.
The real problem with twilight is the poor writing and quite ridiculous values they impose on the reader. Ignore the fact that they say vampires and werewolfs. call them spirits and shapeshifters because there are no canon attached to them and look at the values in the book.
which is what Dr. D was mostly raging against and all compliments for it.
@Faded Twilight.
There is no mention in bram stoker regarding the functionality of organs. What is mentioned is the fact that dracula is capable of bleeding. to bleed you need pressure in your veins and they must have a sensory system to accommodate the other senses he obviously have.
Conclusion: He has pressure in his veins which means he is capable of an erection and a sensory system to feel pleasure with. The ability to impregnate someone is not at any point mentioned within the book and can not be ruled impossible.
(This part was more or less to maintain my role as the longest ranter)
Oh and lovely show and all that. The pregnancy soundtrack thing was stuff of legends. I think its one of the funniest scenarios you have ever constructed.
The soundtrack was awesome in general.
And as much as I hate the whole ‘fake vampire-ness’, my main problem is the actual writing. I’m a huge snob when it comes to the arts. Or anything else, really.
Sorry but when violence enters into the relationship, romance goes out the window. Edward is a rapist. I’ll hear no opinions to the contrary.
Call me an old romantic but I don’t think you should beat the ones you love.
——-
Dr. Disaster, your’e missing the point entirely. First of all, rape is only sex forced upon someone against their will. Beating someone during mutual sex is not even rape. It is physical/marital abuse.
Second of all, Edward did not beat Bella. In my previous comment, I referenced a comic that you got wrong on the show, to say that anything he did was not intentional. The bruises were made from the force of the sex. Bruises don’t even have to form from sudden impact. Pressure is also a likely cause. As this article indicates:
http://www.rawbw.com/~svw/superman.html
an orgasm is a physical seizure, and men have little control of their bodily motions. Also, fulfillment of libido usually reduces restraint and self-control. Edward’s movements were probably very exaggerated, especially if he handled her. To summarize and conclude, beating your wife during sex is not rape, it’s physical abuse, and Edward didn’t even beat her during sex.
Oh, also, how could you give a whole episode to a book that sucks balls (except for the part where Bella was in extreme agony), and not even give half a show to a story that is absolutely guaranteed to be better than that?
And again, have you even read Dracula?
I can kind of see where Dr. D.’s coming from, here. Pain is generally undesirable, so if you are in pain during sex, you probably don’t want the pain, therefore you probably don’t want the sex. Therefore the sex is unconsented. Of course, Twilight has a hard time producing realistic and believable characters, so I don’t think this is the case with Bedward.
Well, if the emo girl woke up and didn’t even notice the bruises until they were pointed out to her, was she really in pain? Since she seemed to think that was the best night of her life, she can’t really have not liked it. And my biggest issue with Dr. D is that he’s saying that Mr. Sparkles is a rapist, and that physical abuse during consensual sex is rape. I’m trying to point out that physical abuse during sex is not necessarily rape it’s still only (technically) physical abuse.
Technically it isn’t, but in a practical situation it generally will be, as most people don’t like pain.
RAPE
IST
^What he said^
Seconded.
Mr. Timms is absolutely right. Also while I agree that most people don’t like pain, there are some who do. And a girl who’s messed up enough to marry a damn vampire sure is messed up enough to enjoy pain…
To close the discussion about rapist/not-a-rapist, here’s a quote from the source of all knowledge (aka wikipedia):
“In criminal law, rape is an assault by a person involving sexual intercourse with another person without that person’s consent. [...] In any allegation of rape, the absence of consent to sexual intercourse on the part of the victim is critical.”
Timms, Ojii…
I the right to beat your partner during sex something you really something you want to run with?
If you really want to run with it you should find the scene and find evidence that it is in fact consensual. Because A the situation was described by Miss Chievous there are no actual facts concerning the act itself. She may in fact have memory gaps from the beating and simply tells the lover that just beat the crap out of her it was nice.
Oh yeah! Wikipedia to the rescue! I should have thought of looking that up myself. However, we’ll just have to agree to disagree, since we’re both so (apparently) mind-numbingly stubborn. However, I’m more right because Wikipedia says so.
I would prefer that you don’t bring up seriously controversial topics up on the show, though. I mean, this discussion has ruined two good, funny topics! Vampire sex and bad game soundtracks? Hilarious!
Also, I would like to ask if the episode was impromptu because you were drunk. Was it?
I’m listening to the book now (I enjoy masochism) for the scene. But your argument is still incredibly flawed, J. Edward NEVER beat Bella, even not during sex. What kind of book for young teenage girls would that be? (Irony) And EVEN if he did, the fact STILL REMAINS that rape by definition is SEX BEING FORCED UPON THE VICTIM. If the sex is consensual, which it was in this case, then IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE RAPE.
The sex was consensual, he did not beat her, and all of you are basing a very heavy claim on something you haven’t even seen for yourselves. Certain semi-drunk people are taking a certain effect of something, and immediately assuming a cause that has already been excluded from the list of possibilities! IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER! IT’S A BOOK FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THERE WOULD BE “MEMORY GAPS?” I mean, come on. It’s a love story! Meant for young teenage girls! With immature emotions! Why would there be beatings at all? Violence never entered the relationship, and the romance never went out the window. Also, why would that be old-fashioned romance? That’s a relatively new concept to romance, and it’s still legal in lots of countries.
And for some reason, you are accusing us of supporting a “right” that we said wasn’t even the case! Or, at least me anyway. Do you want this place to turn into the rest of the Internet? I think that the best thing to do would be to stop talking about this altogether, because this issue is never going to get resolved! GOD! I need to calm down.
Also J, props to your rant-y Dracula post. I’ve been meaning to say that for a while. But to continue with the ending of a post I put up that should have been right after Ojii’s, was the episode impromptu because you were drunk?
Do you really want to be right on something like this? really?
Wikipedia defines rape. It does no however state if this definition applies to the scenario in question.
In order for the original quote to be valid you will need an additional quote that shows in what way the first quote is relevant. You will also need to take into account what the law regarding assault is in the relevant country. It is not at all certain that bodily harm during sex is legal.
I for example cant agree to have the shit beaten out of me because the person would still commit a crime.
OR
you could just let Dr. D have his opinion. because the statement he makes is that he dont care if its “technically” rape or not. If it not it should be.
I like discussions on the level we are now but if you don’t like them you shouldn’t start them or run with them.
if the recording was on Wednesday I damn hope the were drunk, otherwise they didn’t get the meaning of St. Patricks day! (blah blah FT! Forget those snakes! its about booze!)
I think our comments are out of sync. Something is wrong with the time zones. For example, the comment recently posted above me says 4:21, yet I posted it around 6 minutes ago, at 3:24. For some reason, you still persist in the belief that the “scenario” involved beating. And you haven’t regarded my props to you. However, I believe that I did try to let the argument go, in both my previous comments. What I’m saying, is that it wasn’t technically rape because it was consensual, and it wasn’t even Dr. D’s version of “rape,” because there wasn’t even any beating. And, as I’ve said before, we need to stop arguing like this because it’s quite clear that if we don’t drop this topic, this place is going to become like the rest of the internet. So for the safety of Villainy Inc, let me invoke Godwin’s Law.
RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE
YOU NAZI!!!!!!!!1!!
This discussion is officially over.
Godwin’s Law: The adage that any Usenet discussion will eventually mention the Nazis or Adolf Hitler. Mentioning Godwin’s law as having been fulfilled in a particular discussion is often deemed sufficient grounds for ending that discussion.
Dr. D very specifically said that he was drunk. The spirit of St. Patrick’s Day lives on. Huzzah!
Wow, this episode let out a whole buncha drama! However, I must say, Edward did not intend to hurt Bella, and when she awakens he’s all emo about it for days and is pretty afraid of touching her after, being afraid he might hurt her. So no, it was not a rape. Besides, Bella was the one who dressed up in lingerie and provoked him in the first place. But, what I really want to know is how could his demon”spawn” live so long if Edward is “dead”? Maybe they turned into spawn-vampires too and killed other spawn to survive. Just a thought.
Of course not. They would be vegetarian spawn and only suck the DNA? of animal spawn. But I’m just going on a guess as what you mean by spawn. By the way, were you drunk as well during the recording session?
Rough sex can leave a few bruises, if you get really into it. I’m told it’s fun.
But to be fair, he does look a bit rapey.
So anyway, to completely change the subject, what games are all of you looking forward to for the rest of 2010? Personally I am looking forward to a game called Miner Wars, just because you can blow everything up… Which I happen to like… A LOT…
Check it out here: http://www.minerwars.com/?aid=270
But I’m curious as to what everyone else is waiting for?
(Sorry for not discussing rape or vampires in some way, maybe someone can figure out how to talk about them and games all in one go?)
That’s okay, Dr. D. The point of the email is that you read it out when the Walrus King is there, so I tune in to listen to what you say about it, and then discover that the Walrus King is actually a very funny individual and I start listening to his podcasts. As I currently can’t get into them. He sounds drunk half the time, and for whatever reason, I never put his podcasts on my iPod. (The only ones that I’ve heard have been the ones that my brother made me listen to.)
Suck my healthcare,
Pi
If Dr. Disaster is forced to do the Haruhi Dance (and it looks like he’s going to have to) I am hereby stating my willingness to assist and support him in any way, with the inclusion of all of the gracious dance moves I have to offer.
You can be Mikuru Asahina. I’m sure you would be very pleased with the cosplay.
Holy crap, Harry’s a spambot! But just to please him, I’ll say what I’m looking forward to.
a) Brink, a game that looks to be a cross between Team Fortress 2, Fallout 3 and Mirror’s Edge
b) Steam coming to Mac, along with L4D2. I’ll finally be able to play multiplayer with my laptop-owning friends
And unless your healthcare system is American/American-based, it’s probably good. I’m not sure about the health system in Mathematics though, Pi.
O noes! my secret revealed! seriously though looks like a good game…
Games I’m looking forward to but probably won’t have the money to buy or time to play:
1) Metroid Other M
2) Mario Galaxy 2
3) Transformers War for Cybertron (haven’t seen enough gameplay but could be great)
4) Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
5) Metal Gear Peace Walker
6) A bunch of others I can’t think of now but I’ll post if I remember.
Games I’m looking forward to but lack the hardware to play:
Final Fantasy Versus XIII
Final Fantasy Agito XIII
Final Fantasy XIV
(no, I’m not a fanboy, why do you ask?)